Chimper’s World

So someone I know came to me asking for advice because he’s handicap in the pants and hasn’t had luck with ladies.  I won’t elaborate much about this person, or anything about him that could ruin his love life or his life in general, but I will say that Steven Dwayne Jacobson born July 27th, 1984 in Ormond Beach, FL has a tiny pee-pee.  I’m talking about (_)_)D instead of (_)_)====D

Now I feel bad for this person, and so I sat there listening to his problems trying to identify some way I could black mail him in the future and profit off of it to help out my own finances, and thus he kept going on and on about how he isn’t gifted like normal men.   In other words:  he is all berries and no twig.

It all started to make sense.  One time on lunch, I swear… a bird literally tried to grab his cock and take it back to it’s nest.  I sensed something was wrong, but shrugged it off.  I mean… shit happens ya know?

Then he started to elaborate on these issues… and told me how one girl whom he was dating for a lengthy amount of time kept asking if he can make it whistle or do tricks, and how another girlfriend of his kept referring to herself as ‘The Early Bird’ when they were in the mood.

All in all, I felt really really bad for my friend and wanted to really help him out with advice on how to win women with his heart instead of his mind…. sadly, that would have been pure bullshit, since women don’t give a fuck about your heart and only care about what’s in the pants or how big the bank account is - so I kinda winged it to give him hope…. however.. he stiffed me the bill at a restaurant.

When did taking me out to dinner for a conversation turn into going Dutch on the tab?  Naturally this made me mad.  Not something smart to do when my lil rants are read on a multitude of radio stations.  Not something smart to do when you say you will pay me back, but it’s already been 1 week and you keep making excuses… Oh I promise I won’t tell anyone about your small cock Steven Dwayne Jacobson whom currently lives in Palm Coast, FL and whose girlfriend (Sabrina) cheated on you with another girl because her clitoris gave her more satisfaction while bumping beards then your oversized pimple of a dick.

Screw me out of $15.45 will you?

See that paypal button on the top of the screen Steven Dwayne Jacobson whom will take over all my paperwork at work for the next week while I play video games and get warm coffee with 6 packets of sugar and 2 creamer cubes delivered to my desk all next week?  I recommend you use it.. and use it fast.

What now inchling?