Chimper’s World

I am starting to get scared about this Swine Flu virus that is all over the world, yet there really doesn’t seem to be much information on how to prevent it. Do you think you can point me in the right direction or do you have some advice?

Diane Simmons
Chula Vista, CA

Hello Diane

Stay away from Mexicans as much as you can. This might be hard for you since you are in Southern California, so I can only recommend some tips on how to avoid Mexicans. Firstly, work. Going to work is something many Mexicans do not do, so you should be safe there. Also, any restaurant that does not have a dollar menu is also a pretty safe bet that no Mexicans will lurk there.

You should avoid areas like Welfare offices, and unemployment lines, and might want to pressure your boss to doing a background check on the custodians. If you find out that somebody you work with may be a Mexican, press for random drug testing. Studies have shown that randomized drug testing often weeds out Mexicans by about 97.8%

Do not approach any Mexicans that may appear to be sleeping. This is common in Mexicans as they are often noted to sleep under trees with ridiculously large hats that they often dance in when approached by loud music. Also, avoid pick up trucks that appear to be carrying more than 6 passengers as this is a sure sign that they are conducting a Mexican envoy.

You can often tell when a Mexican is approaching you by the sheer reek of excessive dollar store cologne that they are wearing. That gives you a good 5 seconds head start on running away and searching for higher ground.

I hope I was able to help you.