Chimper’s World

So here I was roaming around being innocent when it dawned upon me that some fads are making a comeback.  Not only are some returning from the dead, but some are starting to pop up that utterly piss me off.

In my journey, I encountered a horde of zerging senior citizens walking around with their flaky bodies sporting polka dot dresses and outfits that looked to be as old as the Shroud of Turin.  Accompanied them was the rugged appearance of a failed 80s rock star sporting the fad of the Davy Crocket head and atop this laid the dead remnants of what we thought was roadkill, but soon noticed was a Mohawk.  Naturally we laughed at this pathetic fad revamp, and thus got in the discussion on how some fads should have pulled an Anna Nicole Smith and stayed away from society until they died abandoned on The Island of Forgotten Sluts.
 
Polka Dots died with the Bangles.  Face it, the day of the B-52s is long gone and nobody ‘Does the twist’ while sporting an apparel that looks like an acid reflex, and there is nobody alive that would look at the wrappings of a polka dot outfit and say with a clear mind that it actually looks nice, because it doesn’t.  When  I glanced upon the Polka Dot outfits an immediate feeling of barf smashed over me and I quickly became a Joan Rivers to explain how horrible these new fads are.  Not only was this bad, but most of these elderly people wore scant clothing and they had an area effect of ruining and debugging the sex drive from everybody within 10 paces from them.  What I saw resembled a lingerie fashion show where every contestant looked like the Cryptkeeper in a G-String.   I felt like I was watching an elderly version of Girls Gone Wild.

Same goes for the Mohawk and Mullet.  The Mohawk (be it the small patch of fur that runs alongside the top of the head or the spikey look that protrudes from the skull) are both fads that are sported by people that should consider the act of suicide.  Nobody looks upon these wastes of oxygen and says ‘wow that looks cool’ because nobody is in a drug induced stage enough to admit or say that.  Typically the Mohawk is worn by the dude that thinks he is in a band  yet can only play air guitar and thinks he has skills in something other then procrastinating and bs’ing his way through life.  The harsh reality is that he most likely lives paycheck to paycheck or is being paid or employed by his parents to slug through school and lives either mooching off friends or in a shanty small bedroom apartment or living in a sub par hole in the wall room with a gas tank that never gets off the E.  

The mullet is often worn by rednecks whom wear camo and have an interest in cock fighting (be it the animals or their closet lovers).  They also wear wife beater shirts with pit stains in it, and have belts made from unused rope.  They sport a 5 o’clock shadow and drink Bush light while masturbating to Nascar.  They end up watching Paternity Test episodes of Springer yelling out "Thats your baby" while neglecting their sisters bitching whom is about to birth him a new son. 

Then lets hit the parachute pants and bell bottom look.  I have seen people fall flat on their faces sporting this dangerous attire and for some reason it seems to be growing quite popular.  This is most mainly because of pot and ecstasy and this garment is easy to slip off for a chick in the projects that wants to make a quick $20.

Another thing I hate are white people that wear cornrows in their hair.  For starters, cornrow hairstyles are ugly.  It looks like someone opened an ass over your head and shit symmetrically in a pattern alongside your skull.   Congrats if you wish to pretend you are something you are not, enjoy working in a cafeteria your entire life or driving a school bus, but in the real world where people make money that doesn’t involve leeching off ‘the man’ we really think cornrows are rathers stupid.  Almost as much as dreadlocks.  Dreadlocks look dirty and are created by being dirty.  Wikipedia states that dreadlocks are created by not combing your hair or washing it… congratulations, you are sporting an attire advertising what a dirty piece of shit you are!  People should take you, dunk you in bathwater, then stone you to death so you do not breed for doing such a thing.  Again, we have idiot white people that sport this look…. a sure sign of a step back in evolution and that this generation needs to get a shovel shoved up their ass.

I also hate gospel music.  Nothing makes me flinch more then listening to obese black ladies belch out what the consider rhythm.  Gospel often has many mentions of Christ so that they can sucker stupid religious people into listening to it and  and is located in areas that are poor.  It is annoying and often played with a tambourine.  The best way to get people to stop singing about Gospel music is to throw KFC coupons on the ground and run away, that normally turns a congregation of gospel singers into a shark like feeding frenzy.  A few injuries may occur, but hearing should return almost immediately.

So please… if you see any of the above … feel free to clock them in the sternum for me and tell them Chimpers made you do it.  Police officers will totally let you go - trust me.