Chimper’s World

For starters:  I hurt my ass bad.  I decided to pull a heroic secret mission and crawl thru a window for an ‘investigation’ because we heard something inside and thought a vagrant broke in.  Naturally, I was hoping to find homeless peepz inside so I could use my well-known Karate Chop Action and bust some poor bum in the neck with a quick right cross.  Instead, with my Tinkerlbell-like abilities, I slipped and fell on glass slicing my butt 6 times. 

After about 3 hours of making the blood stop and after I gushed all over the floor, tables, and myself, I was able to inspect my wounds.  They are pretty deep.  I honestly think the only reason that the blood stopped was because there was no more blood left in my ass.  The flow of blood was pouring out of my ass like a broken Levi in New Orleans. 

Ever pulled glass out of your ass?  It isn’t fun.  I learned that the best place to beat up homeless people is in public and not while trying to James Bond myself in an area hoping to find trouble risking a potentially broken ass hole.  Thankfully, that is over.

Aside from my busted anus, I have received an offer to join some stupid ghetto dance team in Orlando.  First off… the last thing I want is to be in some multi ethnic dance off gig where I am chilling my perfect white complexion next to a group that is made up of every race on the planet like a fuckin’ Coca Cola commercial.  

Coca Cola commercials really piss me off.  Everybody seen them… a blonde dyke bimbo on 1980s roller skates being swung by a black dude on a beach while a white man, middle eastern, Chinese dude, and Hispanic man are playing in a band while everyone’s drinking Coca Cola and being happy.  Give me a mother fuckin’ break.  For starters I live in Daytona Beach and black people only see the sand once a year on an event ironically named after something most of them do not attend… Black College Reunion.  Black People don’t go to the beach because animals walk up and start to bury them and they are afraid of the white people.  Secondly, no Hispanic guy hangs out with other races to play musical instruments… in real life the Hispanic dude would punch the white man and steel his guitar - then attempt to hock it at a pawn shop.  The middle eastern fellow would be in Guantanamo Bay so he wouldn’t even be allowed to drink Coke.  Also, if a blond girl was roller skating and a black dude attempted to touch her, I doubt she would be asking for a Coke Product, but she’d be screaming the word "rape" as would any respectable white female. 

The other commercial is where the EXACT same group of people are on a roof top singing songs drinking coke.  This don’t happen.  The last time people of all races were on a building together was in that movie Judgement Night where the black dudes were pushing the good guys off it.  Coca Cola commercials preach racial unity and that is pure fictitious bullshit.  The only times races mix together in unity is when a pimp is slapping the face of some stupid slut on US-1 or on court TV made up of jurors, white police, and some black schmuck that got his ass beat for not listening.

I ain’t joining no stupid ass dance group.  Last thing I want is to hang around idiots that look like a multi colored version of Stomp or some other equally shitty Broadway performance that people who can’t hack it in Hollywood go to.