Chimper’s World

During my investigations I have come upon some disturbing factual evidence that leads me to believe that everything that has ever gone wrong in the world has all been orchestrated by an elusive enemy that since the dawn of time, has corrupted our paths of prosperity. 

This enemy is of course:   The Dolphin.

Dolphins are the most evil creatures on this planet, and smart people see these creatures for what they are, but Dolphins are very well defended by hippies, republicans, and stupid little girls.  It is because of these reasons we are to assume that dolphins are able to use some kind of telekinesis  that targets weak brain tissue.  Ever notice how young teeny boppers and stupid tree hugging hippies have so many key chains and license plates and stuffed animals of these bottle-nosed bastards?  It is because the Dolphin Regime has launched a counter offensive and Pro-Dolphin Propaganda to make these dumb idiots easy targets to their lies.  Dumb women, summed up with pansy ass hippies, and pro life cry babies are all weak to the Dolphin mind tricks that have been haunting us since the beginning of time.

This war started a hundred years ago, back in the Dinosaur era.  Hippy plant eaters were grazing doing what they do best:  Munching on food, watching nature shows, and yapping to their stupid friends about lame trees and recycling, while the cool dinosaurs were out stomping ass’s in stupid cave people and kicking those hippy mammoths into the Ice Age.  It was during this era that Dolphins tricked the women dinosaurs into getting fat, so the man’o’saurs decided not to have sex with them which ended up wiping out the entire species.  To disguise their plot in this scandal they disguised the truth with this fake meteor story in hopes that nobody would ever uncover their involvement.  That is where there is no proof on this meteor theory.

Dolphins also played a major role in the civil war.  Did you know Dolphins freed the slaves which divided this country to the racial mess it is today, in hopes that we will be so indulged in bitter differences they will launch a surprise attack against us and wipe us out?  To create more drama they offered blacks 40 acres and a mule knowing that 300 years later, they still would be bitching over it!

Throughout the course of time Dolphins have played a devastating impact to our progress.  Did you know that the Titanic sunk because Dolphins pushed the buoys around and then lured it into an iceberg? 

Roswell was not a UFO but rather a dolphin distraction to make us look towards the stars instead of their home base located in the Bermuda Triangle where even now they are stockpiling Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Speaking of WMD’s, ever notice how this Iraq War led us from 9-11 to Iraq where we were there to get rid of these mysterious weapons that simply have never been found?  Guess who was behind that one!

Tidal Waves, Global Warming, HIV, Woodstock, The Rosie O’Donnel Show, all were and are orchestrated by these vile creatures. 

Jewish scientists even believe that Dolphins are behind the economic stress we have been facing with our global economy.

Ever been swimming and a Dolphin comes up to you and snuggles into you and everyone is like "how cute" and then the next thing you know your wallet is gone and you have a green spot growing near your private region and your ass hole hurts to where you cannot shit right for a month?  What’s that tell you?

This entire time us smart people have been trying to stop Dolphins but every time we get close guess who is there to fuck things up?  Teeny boppers, Republicans, and stupid smelly hippies!  They are led to believe Dolphins are these cute harmless animals because they see films like Flipper in them, which was just a Pro Dolphin Propaganda Movie Star sent here to detour our train of thought. 

A lot of people have asked me about Seaworld and Marineland and what these facilities are.  I am surprised that nobody recognizes a POW camp when you see one.  These are domesticated dolphins we have caught and are trying to reform and get information from.  That is why everytime they do a command we give them a fish.  It is because of these wonderful POW camps that we hope to find out information about the Dolphin Stronghold located in the Bermuda Triangle. 

I hope I helped you all out.  Remember to do your part like a good American and kill a Dolphin ok?