Chimper’s World

Party 1:  Tips & Habitat

Hello friends, welcome to our shoulda-been-canceled annual Black College Reunion hosted here in Daytona Beach, where we say it has to do with college, but half of the patrons attending dropped out in 6th grade.

As a member of the community here in Daytona Beach, I would like to offer some tips to help our friendly raced neighbors to our wonderful city where I am sure we will surpass such excellent records such as Rapes and Murders in hopes that they spread some kind of STD to one another and phase each other out so our future families will remain secure.

To be safe during BCR it is always polite at night to drive with your high beams on, so that the headlights reflect upon their naturally camouflaged bodies and you can spot them easier while they steel your TV Sets and run across the road leaping over bodies that are engaged in vigorous sexual activities on the sidewalks.

Make sure you dress in a fashion that you will be able to fit in with all the homies and hoodlums. Last thing you want is to advertise a rival gang because you wore the wrong colors. I recommend dressing up in white robes from head to toe and trying to fit in with the culture that meant so much to so many people.

Putting a bone thru your nose in hopes of fitting in with our members of BCR is not cool. Most of them just use heritage as an excuse to get special college funds while preaching equal rights which is the coolest double standard in the world.  They will most likely get offended and toss banana’s, orange soda, or water melons at you.

Relate to them… explain to them that you understand how their great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother felt and yes they deserve special rights for such an oppressed time even though that was several lifetimes ago… because it was your great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpappy that had to whip them for not listening in the first place.

The above can be discussed over the tenants of BCR’s favorite substance… a nice cold 40 and some chronic.

Understand that your friends at BCR have blood that is made up of 75% THC so it might take you a few times to get an answer when conversing with them.   Shining a light in their eyes often gets them back into reality quicker (after they recall past experience from when they appeared on COPS).

I hope the above tips have helped you out with preparing for their journey to Daytona Beach where white folks, whom were too stupid to leave town and evacuate, will be in the path of danger. (Although more people actually leave for this event then during natural disasters, which is funny). If you have any questions remember.. I’m here in Daytona and will be glad to help you adjust… just as long as you don’t come within 50 feet of me.. because I got a gun.

Day 2 - It’s A Jungle Out There!

For miles upon miles, lowrider Cadillacs can be visible with exhausts pouring to the point of a mini Chernobyl, blaring music with so much bass that anyone without the ability to hear would automatically crap themselves. These people parade upon our once safe streets chasing white women around like they are the last piece of chicken at the table during a family get together … drooling in anticipation to spread the infamous HIV and collect a few years of welfare.

Day 1 went by better then we thought with just 2 drive by’s, 31 rapes, 4 murders, 1 arson, 15 missing vehicles, 6 kidnappings, and 3 planned marches that preached Equality while innocent white individuals were beaten on the sidewalks for making eye contact. All in all, day 1 was a record low of events.

Day 2 brought us the news that BET will not be performing in Daytona Beach,  which is great because it gives me time to go to the garage sales in the ghetto and purchase all my stolen items back.

The traffic hasn’t been that much of a pain either so I am very grateful. I imagine the reason for this is that with all the white people gone, they don’t have enough people to rob to pay for the rising gas prices set forth by anticipating Republicans. Either way, it only took me 3 hours to drive home from my normal 20 minute drive mainly because they wanted to do what they do best and dance around for me like that 1 scene in the Congo.

BCR makes me happy. It makes me feel like Jane Goodal and makes me reflect on my beliefs in Darwinism.

Day 3 - Cleanup

The estimated repairs cost more then that of Hurricanes Katrina, Andrews, & Hugo put together.  More trash litters the ground then that of Flint, Michigan.   I cannot find my neighbors.  All local chicken food chains are closed due to stock shortages until Autumn.   I am happy to have survived this year, and can only hope that we learn from our mistakes before they return.