Chimper’s World

1. This girl always pissed me off, so we tipped her over when she was inside a Porto Potty and she was there for over a day until they found her.

2. Placed a condom full of tarter sauce in this chicks hair in high school, she found it 4 hours late, but everyone else knew about it, this incident caused her to drop out of high school.

3. Streaked a number of times in a number of different places, many of which are televised. 

4. When babysitting my friends demon children, I dressed them up in World War 2 uniforms and gave them ranks that the Nazis’ used.  The two kids (both 5) learned how to do manual labor, laundry, dishes, and cleaning bathrooms that day. She never let me baby sit her ‘demons’ again.

5. Acted like I was beating my friend up in front of a Battered Wife Shelter, while a horde of women watched in fright.  I think like 3 went into shock and started to have seizures or something.

6.  Attacked a hooker and some homeless people with a super soaker.

7. Got into a preschools computer in the ‘Dear Santa’ folder, and sent all the kids letters FROM Santa in a mean monologue about how I hate my job and giving presents away. Kids also learned about slavery and elves as well as sexual positions Mrs. Claus enjoys in this incident.

8. When asked what my hobbies were during a Channel 13 interview I replied: masturbation and browsing porn.

9. When asked what I wanna be when I grow up I replied: An  adult film star. This incident got me grounded for a month.

10. Laughed at my best friend as the dummy got beat up by a retarded kid - wheelchair and all.  My friend refuses to talk to me still.

11.  Faked an orgasm over the K-Mart intercom.

12.  Attempted to get into the Special Olympics when I was 18.

13.  Beat some kid retarded with my Atari when I was a young.

14.  Threw a snake on a girl which gave her a stroke.

15. Put a microphone in a friends young sisters’ doll collection and started to make gurgling demonic noises, which caused her to get institutionalized.

16. Once in church, to see if I could make a priest laugh, I went in the confession booth and made some really twisted shit up. He did not laugh.
 
17.  Tried to sell my friends on Ebay.

18. Called this fat lady who pissed me off a Webble, and asked her where her neck is. This ended up being the 1st time I got my ass beat.

19.  Laughed loudly in the theaters almost every time someone died.  This was especially bad during ‘The Passion of the Christ."

20.  Acted blind in the mall so I could bring my dog inside.

21.  Taught a bunch of Kindergartners what ‘the birds and the bees’ were in my own unique way. This incident involved puppets and eventually the police.

22.  Acted like I was having a possessed holy seizure’ in a Mega Church for attention. I went all out to babbling in tongues and everything. I got this on film.

23. Found a dead deer on the road. Cut it open and strung it’s guts up to a nearby tree and spanning it’s intestines all across the road from one tree to another until it looked like a stringy curtain. Then called up the news agencies and told them that deer’s were spontaneously combusting and watched them come and film it and do news broadcasts about this incident.

24. Proved that nothing is easier then stealing candy from a baby, at least 20 times or more.

25.   Paid for a coworker to get a Hydro-Colonic.  She had no idea what one was and we hyped it up non stop to where she thought it was a diet program.   When she got back from it… she quit the job.

26. During a resort stay, the people in the next room complained about us non stop, so we ordered porn and put the TV volume on the loudest setting. Then faced the TV on the AC grill leading into their room and giggles non stop till we passed out. The next day they gave us the most evil stare in the course of known history.  We found out later they were a Church Organization.

27. Ate as many skittles as I could to see if I could shit in technicolor, then did a broadcast of this momentous event thru webcam for everyone to see.