Chimper’s World

So a lot of things lately have been confusing to me.

For starters, I am watching TV and there is a redneck talking about how aliens came down and started to stick shit in his asshole.  He called it an ‘anal probe’ whereas most of America calls it butt sex.

Anyway, to make matters more amusing, the only person who can vouch for his story was his lifelong friend, who happens to live in his farm house, named Skeeter.  Ok… if you have a friend named Skeeter and live on a farm with no women, you are asking to get something put into your asshole. 

This had me thinking… why is it always rednecks in a trailer, that live on farmland near no neighbors, in the middle of the country?  Then I took it a step further…Why ain’t there ever no black people on TV talking about how E.T. ass raped them?  Is it because aliens don’t return black people or black people end up looting their UFO and not returning it?  I don’t think this is true because I have never seen a UFO report involving Spinnahs.  The only time I seen a black person even mention a UFO was at work some crack head with an arm behind his head was trying to sell me one and telling me to get into the alley.  I didn’t do it, but if I did I probably coulda bought a UFO for 25 bucks.  Just seems whenever 2 hicks fall in love they come out with this elaborate alien story to cover up for their man in man tendencies.

So this hick was talking about how he got pushed down and like… aliens tore his clothing off and started to put things in his ass while he was face down in the mud.  Then after the thing happened he got up and his friend Skeeter was standing over him panting saying he ran away from the aliens and apologized for leaving him.  Naturally the hick believed it.

I’m not one for butt sex love but, if I EVER get anything in my ass, and finally get back up and my friends panting over for me- prepare to see a dead friend.  Then again… I would probably cover it up by blaming extra terrestrials also.