Chimper’s World

Face it people. You all really don’t have a good source of movie reviews. You sit here on a random movie site and read the comments from people none of you care about in newspapers that none of you have ever seen.

What’s more pathetic is they always rank sorry ass movies very very high and the really good ones super low. If your not a fan of the conventional sites you have to turn on your TV and see this fat guy who has more chins then the amount of people that porn star Houston has slept with, tell you all what he thinks about movies by the direction of his 2 standard thumbs with his lispy voice saying ‘fabulous’.

Well move over Ebert… Chimpers can tell you where to place those thumbs and shall grab the hot seat and tell you about movies worth seeing!

I went to see Kung Fu Hustle.  As quoted many times in really really bad movies I would try to gouge my eyes out using the kernels from my overly hosed down popcorn that swims in a sea of butter just to not stare at those really really stupid movies. Such flicks as Adam Sandler’s 8 Crazy Nights, a cartoon that was so stupid I can draw stick people having sex and it would be funnier…. and Shadow of the Vampire.. House of the Dead.. and other movies that reach a new level of sucketh that can’t even compare to the glory of the Pokemon Saga.

Kung Fu Hustle was a supremely bad ass movie. I like Dragon Ball Z.  I loved Matrix before the other 2 sequels served it more then Michael Jackson did Jesus Juice at a pre teen sleep over. I was a big fan of Shaolin Soccer and thus I find this movie comparing greatly to the advancement of Stephen Chao (or however his fuckin Jap name is spelled).

The movie had super awesome cinematic sequences and fight scenes and told a storyline that even special people can understand. Not those other long boring storylines that confuse you so much you stare at the screen looking like a Retard on Picture Day. No… this one was very very smooth and decent.  All in all I have to give this movie an 8 out of 10. It was way too short. This movie could have gone on for at least 73 hours and the sheer adrenaline would have kept me awake beyond that.  This movie will help men better then Viagra and sources tell me that men whom get off on such bad ass movies can sport wood  up to 7 feet just by watching this movie.  Women.. bring spare panties because you don’t want to be wringing them out in the bathroom sink due to the coolness of this flick! 

Think about it people… You either take your movie reviews from some fat heifer that struggles to lift his head in a vertical position and continues to rank sorry filth movies with glamour or you listen to me… someone that matters… someone that never ever would lie to any of you and someone that has done nothing better then assist each and everyone of you with my undivided attention and courtesy. The choice is simple.  Pick me for the win!

Also I want to advise those of you with small children to not bring them into the theaters. We had one of ‘those’ incidents in the movies this time and the baby kept goo-goo’ing and making baby noises then started crying when the movie got violent (99% of the movie was so violent it made me want to kung-fu the baby all the way to the lobby trash can). Please be advised not to bring small children with you. Either hire a baby sitter… or keep them in the car… If your afraid that this is too inhumane either turn on the air conditioning or store them in the trunk, but for crying out loud.. don’t bring your lil ‘accident’ into the theaters to ruin my movie. I mean.. they make muzzles for dogs.. if someone did for babies and small children they would be frickin rich.  Had the morning after pill been legalized none of this shit would ever happen.

So go watch Kung Fu Hustle, it will get you laid.