Chimper’s World

Greetings:

Advice needed! My kid misbehaves yet I was raised to never hit my child. He (age 13) yells at me, calls me names, and if I touch him he threatens to call the police on me and HRS what can I honestly do?

Sir Pun

First off ya need to train your kids from an early age who the boss is. 

Around the age of 2, when kids start to drool and look stupid with big floppy heads, (we call this the progression stage), it’s time to ‘progress’ and use your fist instead of your hands.  Knock the kid upside the bubble head once in a while and yell "bad," then scold the kid for what he or she did, including things that they have not done, so they now have a list of shit to not fuck with.  That is how to raise the kid.

Sir Pun… in your case, since your kid acquired intelligence from TV, you kinda have no choice but to do what I call "Defcom 3."

That is where you grab your kid by the neck and choke the living shit out of him… and say ‘well bitch… if you call the cops.. they won’t find you.. because you will be hacked to pieces and buried long before they get here, then disconnect the phone and beat them to hell with the phone.  This will psychologically teach them phones are bad, a step you might want to do to babies so they learn phones are evil. 

After your kid regains consciousness. beat the kid again just to emphasize your point, then give the kid the phone and say ‘go ahead… test me.. call’ and if the kid even looks at the phone… beat the kid again with the receiver and break one or two of his or her fingers.

This is how you properly raise a child. 

Remember:  When you beat your kid it only shows that you care.  Make sure you tell them that as they are cleaning up their own blood from the floor and walls and ceiling.