Chimper’s World

Hello my lil fanboi’s and fangina’s out there, today I bestow upon you my review on this really really f’d up movie.. Brokeback Mountain. Since I do not want to target homosexuals and have a lot of friends that are of this orientation out there, and I don’t want to get in trouble, I will be referring to ‘these people’ as "sinners" instead of anything derogatory.

What can I say about Brokeback Mountain that the title doesn’t imply itself? It is a movie about 2 cow herders in the early 70s or 80s that have a ’secret’ and the secret involves a closet… a tan colored missile.. and a quiet game in the open pastures called ‘hide the salami.’

This movie was pretty sad.. it showed the trials and tribulations of being a gay cracker in the old days and how hard it was to cope with such an evil evil secret.  Heath Ledger was an awesome actor as always… I loved Knights Tale.. I ain’t seen Casanova… but I do give the man props for rolling from a hardcore homo-erotic film to a womanizing Casanova within the same month of release. Guess he needed to get back into the straight life after showering in Manchowder from Brokeback Mountain. It will be difficult to take Heath seriously as I kinda thought of him as the female in this movie.

I went to this movie with a few friends… 1 being a lesbo (or bi since she has had kids in the past), 1 being a gay man, and 2 of us that are straight. Most people wouldn’t come because they are unable to handle man on man action scenes (and yes there was a lot).  If there is 1 thing I hate, it is people that push their beliefs upon people… so, as usual, since I am not a hypocrite…  after this movie I had to explain to my 2 gay friends on how they are a biblical abomination and would burn in a fiery hell ,and I think I did my part on saving their afterlives as a devout Christian who believes in what all good Christians do:  we’re right.. and everyone else is fucking wrong!  I hope we can all get together, and burn a few crosses in the yards of minorities after work Monday like good lil Southern heterosexuals.

There was people actually crying in this movie because yeah… it was kinda sad… it was like the end of powder where your all crying because you realize he’s just different and nobody can accept him for who he is except it dealt with a couple of weenie pokers.   People need to realize that gay people are still people and without them we wouldn’t have Interior Designers or Make Up Artists or those people on Public Access that paint seagulls and tress… hell we wouldn’t have members of PETA either or the Republican Party!!!

I can guarantee 2 things about his movie:

1). There won’t be no DVD Bonus Features….
2). Every love scene in this movie was done in 1 take…
Because you damn well know that they didn’t leave out no scenes that involved anything ‘xxxtra’ because the actors, whom are normally straight, (though this movie is questionable against that because I fail to see how people can act like such perfect lil sinners and not have a hidden agenda), would dare not do the scene over again because of a bad cut.

If you want to see a depressing sad movie about how it is to be a gay hick… then Limpback Mountain is for you… If you want to laugh at the agony of 2 sinners then Limpback Mountain is for you… but as a ‘movie’ it is really boring… drawn out.. and not cool at all. The music in the movie sounded like a Salad Fingers cartoon. The entire story just left a bad taste in my mouth (Oh I can hear the jokes piling on about that line).  Some parts came as a surprise and were scary, and I feel like an idiot for not guessing what was going to happen after Heath Ledger decided to spit into the palm of his hand.  God Damn, did I not see that coming (What is with the puns today haha).

You can sit here and see all these so called top notch reviewers saying how they give the movie 2 ‘things’ up but in all reality this movie sucked more then your average hard core male on male porno. I didn’t like it.. I thought the movie down right blew and I have nothing good to say about this movie.  I rather have watched ‘the other sister’ and translated the retard babble then have to sit here and watch this movie again.. and that movie even had a hot retard sex scene!

In conclusion: Do not see this movie.. it will make you have feelings about these sinners and next thing you know, you will be nice to them when you see them, and even accept them as regular human beings and in today’s society the last thing we need is equality as Americans!