Chimper’s World

You might have seen it on the news.
You might have heard it on the radio.
You might have seen me with the ‘nigga stole my bike’ T-Shirt on.
Whatever the source…. the story is true:  My bicycle has been stolen.

With modern technology my friend captured a picture of me trying to get my bicycle:
Click here

While I was inside my house minding my own business "as usual," I noticed that my bike had somehow grown legs and found its way rolling out of my garage underneath a black gentleman.  Instinctively I did what every other white person does when a minority steals his property… and I blew the conflict out of proportion and screamed with tears in my eyes like a chick on Lifetime TV. 

Instead of running into my house to get the keys, hopping into my SUV, and running over the culprit while I created a very convincing story about how the man attacked me and somehow found his way under my wheel, I decided to chase him down for 2 blocks in my lil bunny flip-flops.  I realized there was no hope, and when a police officer drove by I flagged him down.  I learned a few things:

Cops do not smile

Cops do not laugh

Describing the culprit as a crack head is not smart.

Describing the culprit as a black dude is not a good description.

Telling the cop he is just trying to protect one of his ‘bros’ is not cool.

Black cops get angry fast when you ask him if you can have your bike back.

Black police officers can beat your ass in 1.7 seconds.

After I got bailed out and went home to my now bike-less house, I decided to call my friends up and cry to them about my lost bike that I never even used and had for about 3 years that meant so much to me. 

If anyone see’s my bike please let me know.  I imagine it’s already in a pawn shop somewhere.