Chimper’s World

When I first got my dog it was a big debate on if I wanted to have him neutered or not.  I was afraid to do it because  I just didn’t think it was nice to hack off my doggies sac so I embarked on a field trip that is damn near historic… and so I began my search for alternatives to getting my dogs balls chopped off.

I found a place called the Puppy Penthouse located in the next town over through a friend as an alternative to neutering your animal.  I sat in the office and begun the pamphlet reading.  I learned that if a male doggy don’t get rid of the love fluids on a regular basis they can get scrotum cancer and have their shit rot away.  I did not want this happening to my lil puppy!  After about 15 minutes of waiting for a tour of this ‘alternative facility’ a nurse came to me for the walk-thru.

What I saw will haunt me for the rest of my life as well as launch the most well known story in my bragging abilities.

Around the place was an area where dogs could hump one another non stop.  They had girl dogs paired with guy dogs in lil apartment remake areas just doggy sized…. the girl dogs all had lil ribbons and bows and they were all the puppy version of sluts.  Dogs were pounding these lil things left and right… I had brought my dog into a puppy whore house.  They had lil booths of Princess Puppies, and skirt wearing doggies, etc.  You get the idea.

After seeing the look on my face the woman explained that all the female dogs were sterile so full reproduction would not be met… the female dogs were always in heat year round… what I was looking at was the dog version of the Houston Gang-bang…. she saw my jaw drop to my chest and said ‘well… there are other alternatives..’ I said I don’t want my dog to get his penis chopped off and she goes Oh it’s ok… there are other avenues’ and we continued our tour.

We came upon a room with a man at a desk… we were in a booth watching thru a glass… my dog was sitting down watching alongside me.  The man put on a pair of gloves… a dog was let into the room… the man started to massage the dog… rub the dogs ass… and start masturbating… the dog….  you shoulda seen the look on my face… what’s more amusing is my dog looked at me, ears all perked up, tongue just dead out of his mouth, and he started to shake like he was looking death in the eye.  Within a few seconds the man pleasured the dog with his hand and the dog limped away with his pink thing hanging out…..

The lady said that membership is either 20 bucks a week…. or for basic stimulation (the dude masturbating my dog) would cost 7 bucks a session.. or I could buy a yearly membership to my dog with full access for 200 bucks.  She even offered my dog a free sample!

Needless to say I did the right thing… and got my dog neutered…. but this journey invited some questions…

What human being gets up in the morning… looks himself in the mirror… and says he loves his job and life… right before he goes to work an starts to masturbate animals for a career?  My counselor in school asked us what we wanted to be in our lives… almost all of us gave a smart ass answer.. but never had it occurred to me that animal whacker off’er would have been a choice on someone’s lips.

And so ends… the infamous doggy masturbation story.

This story is completely.. 100% true.. I shit you not!